SPL
The most amazing.
While all your efforts have been grand, none of your programs have properly captured the amazingness of Arch compared to the rest. Thusly, I have converted the application into SPL:
Ode to Arch Linux, a play in six parts.
The Ghost, also known as Judd, former ruler of Arch.
Arthur, the good sir Aaron, new overlord.
Hamlet, a die-hard Archer.
Ophelia, lover of other distributions.
Act I: Praise for the Rulers.
Scene I: Glory to He Who Started the Arch.
[Enter The Ghost and Hamlet]
Hamlet:
Thou art as noble as the quotient between the sum of a cunning
gentle handsome trustworthy noble mighty honest hero and a cute
angel and a golden summer's day.
Speak your mind!
The Ghost:
You are as bold as the difference between a charming cunning
peaceful fair fine gentle happy Lord and the difference between
a blossoming amazing warm rich smooth hero and the sum of a
happy animal and a cat.
Hamlet:
Thou art as big as the sum of thyself and the sum of a kingdom
and the sum of a huge blue cunning handsome hero and a loving
mighty noble sweet trustworthy rose.
Speak your mind!
The Ghost:
Speak YOUR mind!
Hamlet:
Thou art as good as the difference between thyself and the sum
of a prompt proud trustworthy King and a golden angel.
Speak your mind!
The Ghost:
You cunning happy honest noble mighty hero! Speak your mind!
[Exit Hamlet]
Scene II: The torch passes on.
[Enter Arthur]
Arthur:
You are as lovely as the sum of yourself and a rose.
Speak your mind!
The Ghost:
YOU are as lovely as the sum of myself and the sum of a beautiful
blossoming red rose and a delicious thing!
Speak your mind!
[Exit The Ghost]
[Enter Hamlet]
Arthur:
Speak your mind!
[Exit Hamlet]
Act II: Dismissal of the Outsider.
Scene I: Aaron Takes The First Volley.
[Enter Ophelia]
Ophelia:
Thou art as rotten as the difference between thyself and a pig!
Speak your mind!
Arthur:
You are as vile as the difference between The Ghost and a cat!
Speak your mind!
Ophelia:
Thou art as evil as the sum of The Ghost and a dusty lying leech!
Speak your mind!
[Exit Arthur]
[Enter Hamlet]
Ophelia:
Speak your mind!
[Exit Hamlet]
Scene II: Judd takes a stab.
[Enter The Ghost]
Ophelia:
You are as hairy as the difference between thyself and the
difference between a devil and an oozing infected rotten toad!
Speak your mind!
You are as rotten as Arthur!
Speak your mind!
The Ghost:
You are as half-witted as the difference between thyself and
the sum of a foul fat-kidneyed distasteful pig and the sum of
an evil plague and a goat!
Speak your mind!
You are as miserable as the difference between thyself and a
beggar!
Speak your mind!
[Exit The Ghost]
Act III: Final Glory.
Scene I: Ophelia gets TOLD.
[Enter Arthur]
Ophelia:
You hound!
Thou art as rotten as the sum of thyself and a cat!
Arthur:
You are as stupid as the difference between a hero and
a foul little oozing smelly disgusting codpiece!
Scene II: Ophelia is Converted.
Arthur:
Speak your mind!
Ophelia:
Thou art as noble as the sum of thyself and a hero!
Arthur:
Am I worse than the sum of a hero and a brave hero?
If so, we must proceed to scene II.
You rose. Open your heart!
You are as healthy as the sum of a brave noble loving
hero and a red rose.
Speak your mind!
[Exeunt]
~ Cerebral, 2008-05-14 14:20:49